Dan, baby steps and lots of time at the keyboard with a few books in your lap are in your future.
Try watching the videos and reading the tutorials at:
http://www.bvsoftware.com/bvcommerce5manual/http://www.bvsoftware.com/bvc2004/manual/Much of BV4's info applies so 4's manual will get you going too. For learning CSS stuff, nothing works like doing it. Get a browser add-on that'll allow you to view live CSS and see real-time edits to your CSS without making permanent changes.
'Search' on this forum isn't spectacular, but if you're persistent you'll find that answers to most of your inquiries can be found here. SP2 was released in (I think) May. Read everything newer than that.
Poke around on the web also. Some of the cool ideas you'll find may be as easy as buying a plug-in for a few dollars and will save you hours of work.
To answer the questions and build what you're asking for just in this thread may take hours. Many BVC sites have been posted here that do what you want. I suggest you hack into their server,
open the site up and look at the .aspx and .vb files, HTML, the CSS... and try your hand at it. Save your files first. If something blows up, put the original file back and start over.
Of course, you could hire this work out. Many on the forum are pros at this - not me though. I'm a beginner.
A suggestion: Post for help one problem per thread. Most geeks have attention spans of 15 seconds and rarely read entire posts. Hit them with your needs in first 20 words and step away. I quarantee most missed "Hack their server" because something shiney on their desk caught their eye. Let's see if we get anything.......